have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
