were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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