I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
