Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
