Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
