I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
