I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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