Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
