Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
