From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
