dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
