you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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