I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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