is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i love accidental penises.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
why is half of my head shaved?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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