you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
