I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
what the fuck happened to the tacos
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
