I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
