Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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