some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
