Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
