apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
