i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
