Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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