That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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