So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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