"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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