what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
