you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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