dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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