I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
