so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
