You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he fucked my hip out of place.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
