I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
