so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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