Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Let's get the cat blown out
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Your penis caused this!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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