My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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