just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
