Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
