It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
