You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Randomize
