there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
