i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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