She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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