I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
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