Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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