I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
