i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
