He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
You need Xanax blowdarts
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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