I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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