trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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