so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
im six kinds of drunk right now
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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