what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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