sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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